Skip to main content

Entitlement

I am almost certain that entitlement plays a huge role in why we continue to struggle with our daughter over respect. I know that at age 5 she doesn't fully understand the concept, but she does understand when we fail to respect her wishes. It's a thin line between all these concepts and it will take a few more years to get her to a place where I think she can truly get it.

But I also know that she feels that she is entitled to everything she wants. She feels that all she has to do is push us to a certain point and we break. Many days that is true. To counter this, I am trying to build up my tolerance for her crying, pouting and wailing. I know that by giving in to her, I'm sparing myself some agony, but I also know that I'll just get double the agony the next time I tell her to please do this or that and I get a snotty "no" response.

It's really easy to understand how some kids get to be so damn spoiled. I'm trying really hard not to let mine get like that. And while I agree that she's not spoiled in the classical sense, I do believe she has a clear sense of entitlement. She works hard for six hours a day in school and then does at least an hour of homework each day. She's a good kid. She is entitled to certain luxuries like a long hot bubble bath or dessert after dinner. Not to mention free reign to all the scotch tape a girl could want!

I laid it out to her tonight by ultimate plan for raising her: I want to raise her in a respectful way, as a human being, not a possession. I do not own her, but I am responsible for her. Strangely, I think she finally got part of that. I don't expect her to change over night, because there are things I need to change as well and those won't happen tomorrow either. But I do want to continue to be honest with her, as much as I can, on why I make the decisions I make for her. Hopefully this communication will lead to honest communication when she's older. Maybe it won't, but at least I'll have had tried.

Comments

Michele said…
That is a REALLY amazing wonderful special and awesome way to raise that little one of yours. I am so proud of you as a mother! :)
Lots of love!
M
Kim Moldofsky said…
Oh, it can be sooo hard not to cave into the whining, especially when you are tired and busy. It sounds like you have a good plan and longterm view, of things. Your mama friends can relate.
Anonymous said…
...As can your daddy friends! Thanks for the great post.
Dani L said…
She is a GREAT kid - and you are an amazing mother. She is incredibly respectful of others, smart and savvy (of course)...the true test is not necessarily how they act with us (after a long day, they tend to break down, as we know - we all have challenges there - I know I have many!) - but how they are in the classroom, with friends, with others, etc. And she is amazing!

Popular posts from this blog

Is there love after abortion?

Over two years ago , way before I started writing for Girl w/Pen, Alison Piepmeier wowed me with an essay about getting an abortion and how her decision made with her husband was a love story : ...the story I most want to tell—and one I have never heard—is of abortion as an intimate part of a couple’s life together.  Our abortion was a love story. I’d worried that Walter and I were rejecting a gift from the universe.  What I discovered, though, was that when we stripped away the distractions of everyday life so that we could make this difficult decision together, it bound us together as surely as if our choice had been different—and as it turns out, that was the gift. Every once in awhile their story returns to me. I often don't know why it stumbles into my brain and says, "Hey! Ponder me!" but it does. This morning it returned to me yelling, "Why?!" I was half-listening to WBEZ's 848 and some story about a man running away from his life. Original, I kn

Book Review: Wolfpack by Abby Wambach

Less than a year ago, Abby Wambach took the stage at Barnard's commencement and gave a speech that shook many, including myself, to the core . Her speech went viral and I made the above image in order to share the highlights of her speech. Earlier this month Abby released the speech in book form. Wolfpack : How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game is short (less than 100 pages) but is much more than just her speech . You get a peek into how the speech came together and why she said everything. And because the book is short and is an expanded speech, it moves quickly. I feel that it moves with the same ferocity that Abby use to move down a soccer field. And you might find yourself cheering as she takes you through the story. Abby has always been one of my favorite players. The way she ran amok on the pitch was exactly the way I felt I played sports. Never caring how you looked and giving it your all. Leaving it all on the field. When she retired from socc

Review: Mary: The Adventures of Mary Shelley's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Granddaughter

Mary: The Adventures of Mary Shelley's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Granddaughter by Brea Grant My rating: 4 of 5 stars View all my reviews