Featured Post

Why Joss Matters

17 January 2009

Entitlement

I am almost certain that entitlement plays a huge role in why we continue to struggle with our daughter over respect. I know that at age 5 she doesn't fully understand the concept, but she does understand when we fail to respect her wishes. It's a thin line between all these concepts and it will take a few more years to get her to a place where I think she can truly get it.

But I also know that she feels that she is entitled to everything she wants. She feels that all she has to do is push us to a certain point and we break. Many days that is true. To counter this, I am trying to build up my tolerance for her crying, pouting and wailing. I know that by giving in to her, I'm sparing myself some agony, but I also know that I'll just get double the agony the next time I tell her to please do this or that and I get a snotty "no" response.

It's really easy to understand how some kids get to be so damn spoiled. I'm trying really hard not to let mine get like that. And while I agree that she's not spoiled in the classical sense, I do believe she has a clear sense of entitlement. She works hard for six hours a day in school and then does at least an hour of homework each day. She's a good kid. She is entitled to certain luxuries like a long hot bubble bath or dessert after dinner. Not to mention free reign to all the scotch tape a girl could want!

I laid it out to her tonight by ultimate plan for raising her: I want to raise her in a respectful way, as a human being, not a possession. I do not own her, but I am responsible for her. Strangely, I think she finally got part of that. I don't expect her to change over night, because there are things I need to change as well and those won't happen tomorrow either. But I do want to continue to be honest with her, as much as I can, on why I make the decisions I make for her. Hopefully this communication will lead to honest communication when she's older. Maybe it won't, but at least I'll have had tried.

5 comments:

Michele said...

That is a REALLY amazing wonderful special and awesome way to raise that little one of yours. I am so proud of you as a mother! :)
Lots of love!
M

Kim Moldofsky said...

Oh, it can be sooo hard not to cave into the whining, especially when you are tired and busy. It sounds like you have a good plan and longterm view, of things. Your mama friends can relate.

scotttennant said...

...As can your daddy friends! Thanks for the great post.

Dani L said...

She is a GREAT kid - and you are an amazing mother. She is incredibly respectful of others, smart and savvy (of course)...the true test is not necessarily how they act with us (after a long day, they tend to break down, as we know - we all have challenges there - I know I have many!) - but how they are in the classroom, with friends, with others, etc. And she is amazing!

Veronica said...

Thanks everyone.

Disclaimer

This blog is my personal blog and is not reflective of my employer or what I do for them.

What I'm Currently Reading

I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame
The South Side: A Portrait of Chicago and American Segregation
Gabi, a Girl in Pieces


Veronica's favorite books »
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

As Seen On