Skip to main content

Swirling, swirling, swirling...

Thanks to this blog and many other activities, my profile is a rising in the world. I've received invitations to events I never thought I was entitled to attend - kinda like being a tattered Cinderella waiting for the invitation to the feminist ball - and requests for appearances I only once joked of having. Some of my chosen family members like to lavish me with compliments, that I'm reaping what I have sown for all these years and that I should stand tall.

My problem is that I never learned to stand tall. One problem with moving from this flat text world into a world of flesh, whether it is on the radio, TV or in person is that I lose some of my VIVA in the translation. Yes, I'm a fairly spunky chick, but mostly in the company of my trusted family members. And even then I get ribbed that I'm too much like a closed book, too guarded.

I also realize that sometimes this guardedness comes off poorly. Believe me, my hesitation to jump into conversations isn't because I feel like they are beneath me, it's rather that I feel like I don't have much to add. With writing, I can take my time if I want. Look up facts before writing them down AND link to my source. In a conversation, I can't do that. And that scares the shit out of me.

I'm also still working on feeling comfortable in my own skin. Something happened after having my daughter, where I guess I embraced that power of being able to birth a human being and I took a big leap forward. It didn't hurt that I also lost a good chunk of weight. But in the last year or so (perhaps with the gaining of a few pounds) I feel like I lost a bit of swagger and just when I need it the most. The increased attention doesn't help, but I refuse to be a hermit and only exist here on your screen.

It's a funny thing this thing called doubt. It makes me forget my goals some days. About a month ago my work place sent out a note alerting my colleagues that I was quoted on Salon.com. I got a good number of emails saying congrats. I mentioned to a former classmate (funny how so many of us stick around) that I was feeling weird about having so much media attention in such a short span of time. We had class together about 6 years ago and I remember this because we sometimes laugh at how freaking pregnant I was! But she wrote back and said, "But isn't this all in your plan?" And I just sat there, looked at my screen and thought, "Um, yeah! It gawd damn is! Idiot! (use Ren's voice)" I wrote her back and thanked her for the reminder.

I feel like my life is splitting apart, but rather I think it's swirling together like a tasty soft serve cone. My opinion writing and punditry is merging into my academic world. Sometimes I take positions that don't directly relate to my academic work - at least not in ways most people see things - and I need to know it's ok. My boss and coworkers are being super supportive of all of this. They don't see me, as far as I know, as a diva or media hog. In fact the more I get "out there" the more I push them to join me.

It's hard being an outspoken feminist. Feathers are bound to be ruffled in and out of our community. Being an outspoken feminist in Chicago can be tough when one doesn't tow the machine line. But if y'all just stand by me, I promise that I'll find my footing and we'll have one hell of an adventure.

Thanks.

Comments

Kerri said…
It's so true that being outspoken has consequences sometimes. I know enough about that firsthand. Still, at the end of the day, I think that as long as you're true to yourself, then there should not be regrets.

Proud of you! It's about time you started to get some real recognition.
Anonymous said…
you rock! i thank you for giving peeps like me a voice (i am too shy sometimes!)
Dani L said…
And that is why we love you! (And you always have something thoughtful to add by the way...)

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Mary: The Adventures of Mary Shelley's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Granddaughter

Mary: The Adventures of Mary Shelley's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Granddaughter by Brea Grant My rating: 4 of 5 stars View all my reviews

Frederick, A Virtual Puppet Performance - Read by Michael Shannon

WOW...this is my first post during the Coronavirus pandemic! I hope you and your loved ones are healthy and safe. Thanks to the Chicago Children’s Theatre, the city’s largest professional theater devoted exclusively to children and families, for launching a new YouTube channel, CCTv: Virtual Theatre and Learning from Chicago Children’s Theatre. To kick if off we are treated to Frederick. Here's hoping this helps with your little ones. Or is a comfort to everyone of all ages. Chicago Children’s Theatre’s all-new virtual puppet performance was created while all of the artists were sheltering in place, working with resources limited to what they had in their homes or on their laptops. Frederick is directed by CCT Co-Founder and Artistic Director Jacqueline Russell. Puppets and sets were designed, built and puppeteered in a home studio by Grace Needlman and Will Bishop, CCT’s Director of Production, the creative team behind CCT’s annual series of Beatrix Potter puppet show

Book Review: Wolfpack by Abby Wambach

Less than a year ago, Abby Wambach took the stage at Barnard's commencement and gave a speech that shook many, including myself, to the core . Her speech went viral and I made the above image in order to share the highlights of her speech. Earlier this month Abby released the speech in book form. Wolfpack : How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game is short (less than 100 pages) but is much more than just her speech . You get a peek into how the speech came together and why she said everything. And because the book is short and is an expanded speech, it moves quickly. I feel that it moves with the same ferocity that Abby use to move down a soccer field. And you might find yourself cheering as she takes you through the story. Abby has always been one of my favorite players. The way she ran amok on the pitch was exactly the way I felt I played sports. Never caring how you looked and giving it your all. Leaving it all on the field. When she retired from socc