Skip to main content

Why I'm practically giddy about my will

Why yes dear readers, after having a daughter for six years, the husband & I finally got our wills drawn up and our estate in order. Excuse me, but OMG, the word estate always brings up the image of a the mansions I grew up gawking at and not the life I lead in our modest Chicago two-flat. Anywho...People who will inherit the kid have been chosen, notified and made as legal as it gets. Of course they can decline heaven forbid the time comes. Honestly that decision was one of the hardest decisions to make. And obviously it should be. AND that's all I'll say about it here.

BUT...

I'm fairly excited to plan my memorial service. I think I freaked Kim out when I tweeted that. Don't fret my friends, I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. This is why I'm excited about the planning:

First - When my maternal grandmother died in 1996, I thought it was just plain weird that a priest that she most likely never met before was going to be leading a memorial service in a church she rarely attended. I love telling this story, but when he came to me for a story he might be able to tell the next day in church he asked me to tell him the most important thing she taught me. My response? "Don't ever depend on a man." He translated that into teaching her granddaughters independence and the importance of education. Um, yeah...that's what she did, but she did tell us many times to never depend on a man. I also saw my mom and her sister, my beloved Tia, argue over which casket to buy.

While the kid doesn't have a sibling to argue with, I do want to reduce the things that those I leave here have to decide and possibly argue about. When it's my time to pass over into the next realm (yes, die!) I want you all to spent more time telling stories and laughing than arguing over a casket.

Second - When my mom died in 2003, I was faced with yet another priest (actually two! We had one service in North Carolina and then one here in Chicago) who didn't know the person I just lost performing the service. If I wasn't emotionally stunted over her death and weighed down by a 6-month-fetus in my womb, I would have jumped over the front pew and smacked him the second time he called my mom Helen. Obviously not her name.

This is why I want to make as many decisions as I can before y'all have to make them. I'll make some on my own and for others I will consult with my husband and those close to me. It makes me sad to think that in the end, people who don't know me at all would be speaking about me to my loved ones. It makes me sadder to think that this reality would hurt those I love, as I felt with my grandma and mom.

While I don't think I'll broadcast all my plans, I do want to say that I really do want you all to have a good time. Laugh, cry, but mostly laugh at all the silly things I've done in life, with you and whatnot. Laugh because in the end, I do hope that all the energy I expend each day is spent to make this world a better place, a place where girls and women can laugh, play and love safely.

But remember - No Catholic Church - I was a CCD drop out and never had first communion. Not to mention that I am a tree-hugging goddess worshiper.

Comments

Thank you for sharing these insights and decisions. This is a serious public service announcement to nudge all of as to have this conversation with those we love. Can you comment on how it felt to actually complete this task after thinking about it for awhile?
Shannon Drury said…
You're still ahead of me....I've been a mama for nearly ten years. Time to get my shit in order.
Veronica said…
B - You are welcome. it was overwhelming to stand in our lawyer's conference room and sign a zillion papers saying this and that. Who gets the kid, who gets to decide what medical treatments I get if I can't make them, if my husband can't make them, if person #2 can't make them. It makes your head spin. I'm not totally done. We need to sit down with our huge ass binder & read thru it and spot any errors. In a sense, it's never done since we can make changes anytime.

S - Ah, don't beat yourself up. But do try to get some things in order, especially if you have some specific things in mind as we do.
Kate said…
thank you for reminding me about this! i have an account all set up w/ our life insurance peeps, we can do it all online...we just have to, you know, do it. i have the brochure out on the counter at home so we don't forget :)
Veronica said…
So Kate, how's it going?

:)

Popular posts from this blog

Is there love after abortion?

Over two years ago , way before I started writing for Girl w/Pen, Alison Piepmeier wowed me with an essay about getting an abortion and how her decision made with her husband was a love story : ...the story I most want to tell—and one I have never heard—is of abortion as an intimate part of a couple’s life together.  Our abortion was a love story. I’d worried that Walter and I were rejecting a gift from the universe.  What I discovered, though, was that when we stripped away the distractions of everyday life so that we could make this difficult decision together, it bound us together as surely as if our choice had been different—and as it turns out, that was the gift. Every once in awhile their story returns to me. I often don't know why it stumbles into my brain and says, "Hey! Ponder me!" but it does. This morning it returned to me yelling, "Why?!" I was half-listening to WBEZ's 848 and some story about a man running away from his life. Original, I kn

Book Review: Wolfpack by Abby Wambach

Less than a year ago, Abby Wambach took the stage at Barnard's commencement and gave a speech that shook many, including myself, to the core . Her speech went viral and I made the above image in order to share the highlights of her speech. Earlier this month Abby released the speech in book form. Wolfpack : How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game is short (less than 100 pages) but is much more than just her speech . You get a peek into how the speech came together and why she said everything. And because the book is short and is an expanded speech, it moves quickly. I feel that it moves with the same ferocity that Abby use to move down a soccer field. And you might find yourself cheering as she takes you through the story. Abby has always been one of my favorite players. The way she ran amok on the pitch was exactly the way I felt I played sports. Never caring how you looked and giving it your all. Leaving it all on the field. When she retired from socc

Chicago Women Who Owned 2015

When I asked social media which Chicago women kicked ass in 2015, I got a list far too long to do justice. I also realized how many of my lady friends kick ass every day, but it's a constant kicking of the ass, not a lot of headline kicking. Ya know what I mean? So I tried to make this list a mix of Chicagoans who had some headline kicks and some who kick ass every day and deserve a shout out. Let's get started, shall we? Photos from social media or public domain pages Luvvie Ajayi Luvvie did my job and summed up her amazing year herself! I love it when women do that. Yes, let's take a moment to reflect on our accomplishments and dance at our own parties. Luvvie makes us laugh, even when we want to cry. She pushes us to be active, even down to our shoes. You'll never laugh so hard when learning so much than when you are in a meeting with her. From hanging with celebs to her epic travel schedule, Luvvie definitely owned 2015. Charlene Carruthers Carruther