Writing at the intersection of motherhood, feminism and my Latinidad

15 October 2009

Just so you know, my phone works in the middle of night

I was fast asleep at three in the morning when I got the payphone call,
And she said, ’did I wake you up,’ I said, ’hey, no, not at all.’

~Dar Williams "The Blessings"


I am almost speechless folks. I seriously can NOT believe that anyone, much less an advice columnist, would say it was ok for friends to NOT come and get you in the freaking ER in the middle of the night. Especially if you are calling because someone drugged you at a club. Did I mention that you are supposed to be best friends with the cold-hearted slackers? 

Thankfully Amy Benfer read the riot act perhaps three times over to unnamed "advice columnist" - you can get all the info in Amy's post.

I know everyone says the internet is our new permanent record and we should watch out what we say, but I blog to not just get my opinion out there, but to also share my hard learned lessons.

So I was left at a club once. I went to the bathroom and my friends left me. We were an odd numbered group. A pair had gone off to get a drink and left a trio. I had to pee reeeeeaaaaalllll bad. So I said, "I'm going to the bathroom. Wait here!" I swear I was gone just a few minutes. I grew up in a house with two sisters and one bathroom - we peed fast. But when I got back I couldn't find them...Anywhere.

I was lucky. I decided to hang out with a bachelorette party and not to leave the club.

Thankfully my friends knew where my then-fiance was hanging out with his buds and a few hours later they showed up at the club.

So my friends - those of you I have met in the flesh and those of you who are still just an avatar - if you need me at 2 am, 3 am or whenever to come get you at a club, the ER or some random street corner of our world, I'll be there. The only reason I'd ever not come is if I'm home alone with the kid.

I don't need to be your BFF to promise this. I won't sit there while you cry on the phone and think, "I have a 9 am meeting!" or "What has she done for me?" Instead I'll grab my baseball cap and car keys as I run out the door.

This whole incident makes me want to know WTF the woman's so-called friends were thinking, are thinking today? WTF does the advice columnist define as friendship?

Clearly she said that only blood-relatives are expected to come running in the middle of the night. Well wouldn't most of us be pretty darn screwed since most people don't live anywhere near blood relatives? Does this columnist know how many of us are crafting our own families? That because we don't live a few blocks from Mom and our Aunties that we surround ourselves with trusted and loving friends for times just like this? I have no idea how I would get thru my life without my husband and chosen family.

So I know what it feels to be left behind and scared (althou luckily not drugged!). Because of that, I'll answer my phone and come running. Just call and I'll be there.

7 comments:

After finding out that a friend went missing for a while, I've been much better about keeping my phone on, even at night, and I hate phones. But I agree with you. Anyone who has my number can have me come running if they need help.

Not only can my friends call me in the middle of the night to come get them at the er, come and get them because their partner is abusive, or come to their house because they are so depressed they can't get out of their own way...my friends can call me because they NEED anything....thats why they are my friends.

Right there with you. And I have had people call me in the middle of the night. And I have listened/gone to pick them up (or sent Jay.) No questions asked. The same will be true for the kids and kids of friends. Period. We can always "debrief" another day.

Agreed...you call them your friends for a reason, my phone is always on and if any one of my friends needed anything day or night I would be there, have been there, and will always be there.

I'm absolutely with you! I *have* gone and picked someone up in the middle of the night from a bar because she needed a ride and her gut said not to trust the guy who was wanting to take her... I'm glad to do it for any of my friends. I keep my phone on all the time, and would definitely do all I can for my friends...

we just went through this, we were at a club and one of our guys left clean and sober for real food. when it was just about our turn to perform we couldn't find him. We went on then spent a tense night calling around looking. someone spiked his drink at the restaurant, and luckily he was pulled over for drunk driving before something worse happened. I'd have driven to hell to get him.

Seriously, I'd do it for just about anyone, why not for a best friend?

Thanks for all the comments folks. Glad to know that we're all in this together...Not that I'm surprised. :)