I'm not a feminist but I sure can stick my foot in my mouth

Karoli at MOMocrats was trying to respond to an anti-feminist attack by Dana Loesch and instead stuck her foot in her mouth and offended feminists. Her offense? Her opening paragraph:

I am not a feminist. I am a woman who has assumed I have the same right as anyone else to choose my own course, make my own future, and do so on equal footing with men. I believe the government exists to serve citizens, not to act as an authoritarian axe or discriminate against one class of citizens over another.  I really don't care if moms stay at home or work. I've done both, both have advantages and disadvantages, and I'm not out to overturn patriarchy. I actually like men. I'm married to one. I get along well with them. Those who act like idiots don't get any attention from me. 

To which I tweeted:

Thanks to peeps sending me @Karoli's post but I stopped reading after she equated fighting patriarchy w hating men. *sigh*

Karoli and I had a good discussion on Twitter about this which resulted her in editing the paragraph and striking out some of the offense:

I've done both, both have advantages and disadvantages, and I'm not out to overturn patriarchy. I actually like men.  (see note below) I'm married to one. I get along well with them. Those who act like idiots don't get any attention from me.

Sadly this still leaves the whole "I can't be a feminist because I like men!" feel to it as one would hope you liked men enough to marry them. Good try though.

What I don't get is why someone who doesn't even call herself a feminist gives a damn what Dana Loesch has to say about feminism? I'm not linking to Dana's op-ed because it robbed me of precious time and brain cells and I love my readers too much. So in order to school Dana, Karoli dips into the well of feminist stereotypes:

1. "I believe the government exists to serve citizens, not to act as an authoritarian axe or discriminate against one class of citizens over another." So feminists believe the government should discriminate against guys then, eh? 
2. "I really don't care if moms stay at home or work"Ah, the mommy war card! Double points. 
3. "I'm not out to overturn patriarchy. I actually like men. I'm married to one. I get along well with them." And the cherry on the top of this sundae. 

I've spent way too much energy wrestling with "I'm not a feminist but..." types. I don't do it anymore. I usually say, "Fine, don't call yourself a feminist. Your actions will speak louder than your label." Unless they slam feminists as a way to distinguish themselves as "not a feminist."

Karoli said that she was just trying to use snark to combat what Dana had said. This is why I hate snark. Snark is hard to control. I didn't read Dana's op-ed until AFTER I read Karoli's post. And even then, I didn't get most of the snark. I'm kinda un-hip in that way...Ditto for LOLCat talk.


Karoli knows that this post is coming, so I'm trying hard not to be a total bitch. She even apologized and I accepted it. But I'm trying to better explain how I felt when someone posts to an awesome blog like MOMocrats, is trying to freaking defend feminism against Dana Loesch and I feel more offended by her post than anything Dana said. If feminism needs defending, please leave it to the professionals, the women and men who do call themselves feminists, people who can rip Dana to shreds (hell, my 7yo can do that) without denigrating the people you are trying to defend.